Maybe just try to be grateful. Once. You have a loving family (and I know there are many problems though) but they care about you. And a loving boyfriend who obviously wants just the best for you. Enjoy that! You are definitely not a failure! You can see that, just take a look at the people who love you! Friends, family, relationship! <3
i am fucking grateful. i have stated about a million times how thankful i am. how i dont understand why i am being so down and horrible when i have everything. thank you for making me feel even more guilty -.-
I’m scared. I cant do this anymore. I fail the easiest things. I cant do homework, can’t study, can’t bring myself to get up in the morning, can’t even take my meds. Cant do anything. I don’t want to die. I want to die. I can’t do this anymore. Can’t ask for help. I’m about to do something drastic just to land me in hospital. I promised him I won’t do anything stupid while he’s away. He only left today. I didnt think it would be that hard.
not trying to attack/offend you, but I'm just wondering why you self-harm on your arms when you know people are going to end up seeing them in such an obvious place?
I don’t know. Maybe its the most satisfying place or .. its my arm because I dont have to undress / face my fat in order to punish myself for how fat and horrible I am. I do cut on my thighs and stomach too though.
also.. Usually people dont see my arm There’s only one person in my “real” life who has seen my arm in this state and that’s my boyfriend.
furious. long talk about how he knows i’m ill but the way i’m behaving now i’m also making everyone else ill and after shouting and being angry came the “i’m sorry” part (my dad always reacts the same way.. first furious and then sorry) he said if i ever cut again i’m not allowed to my boyfriend anymore. he also asked me about my weight which caused me to get all hysterical he begged me to go back inpatient but i just cant. i cant say i need to go inpatient. i cant organise help for myself. i’m not sick enough. i need to be so sick that i need to be put in hospital. i cant do that myself